Have you ever felt like something is missing from your life?
You can’t describe it, but it’s weighing you down mentally and emotionally.
There is a lack of peace – and it annoys you.
When I’ve felt this way (especially before becoming a coach), it’s usually because there's something that I’ve not yet been able to do.
What if you’re having this moment because you haven’t achieved something that’s important to you?
Something you’ve wanted for a long time….something meaningful…..maybe even something promised. Clients of Solutions By Chandra have shared their thoughts with me.
“I’m 35 and never imagined I’d be divorced with 2 kids.”
“I put off getting my Master’s degree. Now I’m afraid to go back to school.”
“I thought this was my dream job, but I’m 3 weeks in and I really don’t like it."
“I’m 48 and still single. My window to having a baby is slipping away. I might not be able to have a baby of my own.”
“I’m making decent money and can pay my bills. But I’m not happy with the work I do.”
Photo by Alberto Frías on Unsplash
This particular statement was heartbreaking.
“Chandra, you talk to me about dreams. I’ve been so hurt, I don’t remember what my dreams are.”
When I hear those around me talk in this manner, one phrase pops into my mind...
Lack of Fulfillment
The teacher in me likes to look up the meaning of words, and the Cambridge Dictionary is one of my favorites. Of the definitions for fulfillment, this one stood out:
The act of doing something that you have promised or intended to do.
We can feel unfulfilled when we put our needs on the back burner. Heck, sometimes our needs are still on the kitchen table and never make it to the stove.
To be fully transparent in my life I’ve "given in" instead of advocating for or standing up for myself. As a full figured Black woman in the workplace, I did this a lot. And by doing that I let myself down.
Putting someone else’s needs before my own didn’t feel good.
I became angry and resentful.
My needs were nowhere near the back burner of the stove.
They were in the freezer behind a bag of asparagus….and mysterious block of unmarked foil.
Tired of being walked over, I painfully decided to make my needs, wants and desires a priority.
I mattered…Everything about me matters!
Only when I made myself a priority was I able to take the critical steps for finding fulfillment.
I found my voice.
I was no longer silent.
I didn’t hide our keep my head down.
I made my presence know - and owned every bit of it.
Now it’s your turn.
Open up the notes section of your smartphone (or grab a pen and paper) and answer these questions:
What really matters to you in your life?
What do you value above all else?
How could you live these values intentionally on a daily basis?
When do you “give in” instead of standing up for yourself? For what is right?
Where do you already have everything you need?
What makes you feel alive? How could you do or be more of that?
How can you have a fulfilling life?
Don’t put your wants and needs into the hands of others. Become the star of your life story.
Put yourself first. Make YOU a priority.
Repeat After Me:
I notice the small things in life, and am thankful for what I have.
Do you need help putting yourself first? Check out my My Can We Talk For A Minute (or 30) session , 30 minutes of conversation that will get you started and on your way.
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If you missed my last post on finding your passion, you’ll want to check it out. It’s more tools for our journey.