In November I had the opportunity to present to a career networking group. I selected a subject that has impacted many people in my circle.
Because we’ve been connected for some time, you know I only address things I have walked through myself.
I’ve had a problem forgiving those who hurt me, and difficulties letting it go.
I spoke on how unforgiveness can be a barrier to getting a job.
I defined forgiveness as a conscious decision to let go of bitterness, anger, and grudges against someone you feel has treated you unfairly and releasing the desire to seek revenge.
The conversation got pretty deep. I had the group participate in an activity that I’m going to share with you.
Think of a boss or co-worker who did something that upset you and you think you’ve put it behind you.
Pay attention to the feelings you have as you recall this experience. How do you feel towards the person who hurt you?
1. If you feel anger, blame, bitterness, resentment, hatred, or some other heavy negative emotion, it means you still haven’t forgiven them.
2. If you feel neutral and emotionally stable, you’ve forgiven them and moved on.
3. If you feel love and compassion towards the person, you’ve completely transcended your pain.
If you meet the criteria for #1 this can be a reason why you’ve had difficulty at work – or finding new employment.
Here’s how unforgiveness will show up in your life:
Preoccupied With The Past
You keep replaying what happened to you over and over. Even if the experience happened 20 years ago.
Afraid To Take Action
If you’ve been hurt, you may be afraid to take chances. You become paralyzed and afraid to try something new or different.
Negative Nelly = No Referrals
If you have the reputation of complaining all the time, people may know of job opportunities and not share them. They believe your negativity will reflect poorly on them.
Poor Interview Performance
One of the biggest mistakes you can make is to bad mouth a former boss or speak ill of an old company during a job interview. Hurt people do this and blow any chances of a job offer.
Contaminate Your New Job Once Hired
The baggage of past hurts can carry into your new job, which will affect how you’re seen. It can also impact your work performance.
If anything so far has resonated with you, please don’t be ashamed or embarrassed. I reached out to a therapist who helped me address hurts from past jobs (see my blog entry Peace Of Mind Is Priceless). I began to heal and became a better person.
If you are struggling with unforgiveness, battling fear, anxiety, or depression please don’t suffer alone. Reach out for help. Talk to your doctor or a counselor. The National Alliance on Mental Illness can connect you to local help and their number is 1-800-950-NAMI (6264). If you are in crisis, text "NAMI" to 741741.
Don’t let the term “Mental Illness” embarrass or shame you. I speak especially to those of the Christian faith. It is not a sign of weakness to talk to a psychologist. God put them there for a reason.
As we continue through the holiday season, don’t get so caught up in busyness that you forget to invest in yourself. I have prepared two digital resources for purchase that can help you along your journey.
The first is a Forgiving and Forgetting (a short eBook) and the second Forgiveness: Breaking Barriers For A Better Future (30 day devotional eBook). I know they will be a blessing to you. Check out the referral option when you visit the website!
May the next few days be filled with love, joy and peace.
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Happy Holidays!